The Modern day man doesn't have the Luxury of being Vulnerable
Society likes to claim it is more accepting and embracing of male vulnerability
But this is mostly a facade.
There are plenty of people who profess it with words and appearance.
But when it comes down to it. Their actions say otherwise
We men do it to women too.
We talk about gender equality and women's rights to seem woke for our timelines.
But in real life situations the Patriarchy jumps out.
Especially if you have to submit to a female in whatever capacity due to your career or church stewardship
If you're a Nigerian man, born in Nigeria...
Feminism isn't something you're naturally wired for.
I speak for myself too. I'm no saint.
I've read the words "wives submit" so many times in scripture...
I'm sure I believe in my heart that whatever picture I have in my head of submission is what I'm eventually opting for.
But back to men and vulnerability...
I remember meeting somebody and deciding to build a friendship
I initially liked them a lot.
I'd swear I was in love with them at the time.
At least that's what I was telling God everyday in my prayer place, constantly enquiring and inquiring.
I'm sure he was just looking down and laughing with his guys at me.
Because I never got any definite leading besides calming down to build a platonic friendship
So I did the decent godly thing and didn't rush to spew feelings.
I'm very likable, almost addictive. Super addictive actually.
And if I decide to actually converse with anyone. I would grow on them in no time.
And I can do all that and escape the friend zone.
I'd mastered the art of building a friendship and still staying an option (Masterclass for my dawgs and young Kings soon)
So I wasn't particularly scared of losing them or anything.
And so building a friendship I did. And we became real close.
We talked about lots of things. I still never got that go ahead from God.
In no time, I became awakened to finance and building wealth and that showed me more than anything that the timing was off.
So like a big boy I tucked my feelings in. And at some point the butterflies went (Lmao the hustle will do that to you)
I was there for them, in almost every sense of the word. I was a go to for anything
And as someone who loves without boundaries. I didn't hold back.
Fast forward. I remember going through an emotional rollercoaster and needing to rant.
So I start telling this person about my present frustrations in a very vulnerable way…
And guess what?
She jokingly made a statement like "Are you crying on my shoulders right now?"
But for me the timing was all sorts of off.
It was too condescending
It rang like a siren in my head.
Excuse you?
As someone who tries to believe the best in people I tried to look at it as a joke.
But the timing of it, the tone. It was too off. 🚩🚩🚩
I immediately saw the red flags my emotions wouldn't let me see months ago.
God was right with this friendship first thing. Yet again. (You’ll learn that he's never wrong…pretty annoying reality actually)
(I didn't cut her off or anything. We still talk. But I knew then and there, that wasn't what I wanted in a partner)
Luckily. I already had an amazing women in my life I could go rant to. (The number increased by 1 later)
My longest standing female friend.
She is pretty much the only one woman I completely trust. Ish (I love you Forever Kems 🖤)
And even with her, sometimes, especially recently (with the distance)…
it is with a pinch of salt and vulnerability sessions are extremely far apart.
Bringing me to the point of this Blogpost.
Society isn't very accepting of Male vulnerability. Both from Women and your fellow men.
As a modern day man. It is your responsibility to create an ecosystem of love around yourself as you give it to others with no strings attached.
I remember the first time God dealt me a blow about a situationship I was in.
It was a heavy blow. The type you are broken, humbled and shattered by
And after breaking down before God, I could think of only one place to go and be safe.
Where I'd get love and zero judgment with the truth when the time was due.
I knew King David was the only person I could be with and talk to
Mind you, I had other male friends who I'd vocally rank above him in the hierarchy at the time If I was asked who my closest friends were.
Foolish me.
Yes, you watch soccer games with these people and banter together.
But you'll really know who is who when you are at your worst and you need a safe place to be wrapped in.
The first person that comes to mind then? That is your real Best Friend… The others are just figure heads.
Not so long after, I was blessed with yet another mentor/friend.
This one would read me prophetically without having to say a word. And tell me the things I didn't want to say.
(My friendship with Honour deserves its own Blogpost) - SHA HAVE SPIRITUAL FRIENDS PLEASE… E GET WHY
And now, here is the God factor…
Both of those male relationships above were God orchestrated
As an alpha male. King David was a bit too much for me when we just met.
Me that is Mr woke, emotional and vulnerable o. (I'll write a Blogpost about our love story on his birthday)
But I clearly remember asking God for friends I could love him and grow with.
I remember I was on the floor praying in the football field in Fajuyi Male hostel in OAU.
And God clearly said. He had placed him for me.
About 3 years later. I'm writing this now, and I can almost literally see how intentional and accurate God is.
God is so freaking Accurate.
And he cares about the mundane stuff like who your friends are…
And that neighbor you hate so much.
Build an ecosystem of Friends you can be completely vulnerable with
People you can tell about your porn addiction. People you can tell about your mistakes, your past, your insecurities and your fears.
Shoulders you can literally cry on.
Yes, actual tears with catarrh.
People you don't feel any pressure performing a masculine role for.
With romantic relationships…
The Friendship Code is a top 2 criteria for who you marry (READ THIS LINE 5 TIMES)
Does this person fear God and share your spiritual convictions?
Yes? Good.
Now, are they your friend?
Outside emotions. Is this person your friend?
Because 2 weeks into a marriage. The size of her bum won't matter.
I'm so woke to this reality.
That as a self proclaiming "ass man"…
I still say all the time, that I'm very open to marrying someone who isn't conventionally beautiful.
If you're marrying so you have fine children, your head is honestly not correct. And you don't understand life. At all.
There is more to life and a marriage than stupid and vain metrics like that
I'd rather the pre wedding shoot are not goals worthy and have peace of mind & genuine happiness all our lives.
When the pressures of life come…
You cannot afford to be with a woman you’re not seamlessly vulnerable with .
You'll die bitter and frustrated. Do it for your kids. So they see how to marry right
It is your responsibility
Because society will not be kind to you.
And for the sake of your mental health. You need an outlet.
Start with God. He should be the first go-to.
The importance of a prayer life cannot be over emphasized.
God is the first person you'll need.
But then, you'll also need men too.
As someone who cries, rants and vexes to God all the time.
I can assure you that you'd still need men bruh.
Ask him
And he will show them to you.
Simply, Ask him.
(Tell me how it goes?)
Until next time.
Love, Mez.
Thank you, Mezie!
I felt this newsletter to my heartbeat. Thank you for being so raw.